We just couldn't do it....

FIRST I WANT TO THANK EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU FOR LEAVING YOUR COMMENTS REGARDING MY LAST POST. WORDS ARE JUST SO INADEQUATE. OH GOSH MAY GOD BLESS EACH OF YOU IN A WAY THAT COMPARES TO NOTHING ELSE IN THIS LIFETIME. MAY GOD LAY HIS HAND ON EACH OF YOUR LIVES ALWAYS, YOU ALL ARE TRULY INCREDIBLE PEOPLE.

I want to share what all happened in the last week with all of you. This past weekend was one of the hardest and most emotional of our lives. We had family coming and going knowing that we were putting my momma in the Veterans home on tuesday. There were so many tears and just unsettling thoughts, feelings, so much doubt, concern, and worry and just plain heartbreak. A little information about my Daddy.....our daddy is like your daddy I am sure. He is the light of your life, the hero of your childhood as well as now, he is strong, courageous and above all can do ANYTHING!! Well my Daddy has been broken, there is no other way to explain it. I have seen him bury both of his parents and at that time it broke our hearts to see him go thru that but that was nothing compared to what we have had to endure these past weeks. I am so proud of my daddy that he allowed himself to show emotion. He has just broke down so much and cried so hard all the while his 3 girls failed miserably at trying to be strong . There is just something so destructive when you see your daddy cry. It is a pain that is so so deep.

So on tuesday morning as we are getting my momma's things together it was almost as if she had clarity. And we were all I know just dying inside and panicking to say the least. We get to the home and it was as if she knew what we were doing, there was really high anxiety, shaking, crying and complete fear in her. They told us to just kind of weed out. She point blank asked my daddy why he was doing this??? You can only imagine what this did to him. I was the last to leave her, they assured us that we could call every 5 minutes if we wanted to. As we were all leaving my siters, and my daddy and I were getting in the truck and when we looked up there was our wife and mother walking around the courtyard outside all by herself looking desperately for us or what she knows as familiar. As I type this my stomach hurts just remembering it, us four got in the car and drove off very slowly and we were all dying inside, I turned around and my little sister Kerry was driving forward but her entire body was turned around looking back. We are not known for being a quiet family, but that was the quietest 25 minutes we have ever been in a car, all you could hear was pain in the car. We got to my parents house and it was as if we were all afraid to go in the house knowing that she was not there and when we did go in our Daddy broke and he broke big and then we all followed. Our daddy was saying that he hated himself and let me tell you that hurts so bad. Daddy has done an incredible job of taking care of Mom.

We were just in turmoil and then as we were calling throughout the day they were telling us that she was not eating, drinking, would not go to the restroom and just kept walking outside looking. And she was calling out our names. So I know alot of people would say well why not give it a few days????? Well that morning as I was getting dressed listening to the radio I heard an advertisement for a company called Visiting Angels 3 TIMES! We had prayed for HIM to help us get thru this, had prayed that he guide us to do the right thing and in that advertisement I think HE did.

I told my family about it and we called and got all the information. In the evening after several calls to check on my mom we were sitting at my dining room table and just looked at each other , got up and got in the car , it was almost 8 o'clock and we just went and picked her up!!!!

I know there are alot of you wondering....Why did you do it in the first place???? We were thinking about Daddy, we desperately want him to have rest, and peace and to be able to go and watch his grandchildren play sports, go to bday parties, etc,etc etc. We cant take my mom anymore away from the house, a car ride sends her into a tailspin. The Visiting Angels will be at the house 3 days a week, doing 12 hour shifts. We have made daddy promise that he will take that time and let that person take care of her. He can go do his outside work with the cows, etc. and not have to worry all the time. He can go to the football games, have somewhat of a normal life.

And all of us along with lots of family can fill in like we have been when the need is there. We are all over there all the time anyway. This way we still have her home, to touch, hug, love, and Daddy will have more of a life.

You ask why not this in the first place???? I dont know , we were all at a loss, thinking on emotion. My sister Kerry is over there right now and she told me that before Daddy left for his Dr. appt. he told her thru tears that this morning was the first morning in weeks that he actually woke up with a clear head....and that is priceless to us!!

And just something I wanted to add, when my Mom saw me she looked at me and said, Kristy why did you leave me, I cried and cried.....Kristy I love you!

A sentence! There is nothing that compares to those words...............And for that I am forever grateful to my GOD.