An Alzheimer Poem...

My Daddy handed this to kerry and I yesterday at the house and he spoke no words other than I found this the other day and wanted to show yall.

AN ALZHEIMER POEM

DO NOT ASK ME TO REMEMBER
DON'T TRY TO MAKE ME UNDERSTAND.

LET ME REST AND KNOW YOUR WITH ME.

KISS MY CHEEK AND HOLD MY HAND.
IM CONFUSED BEYOND YOUR CONCEPT.

I AM SAD AND SICK AND LOST .
ALL I KNOW IS THAT I NEED YOU
TO BE WITH ME AT ALL COST.

DO NOT LOSE YOUR PATIENCE WITH ME,
DO NOT SCOLD OR CURSE OR CRY
I CAN'T HELP THE WAY IM ACTING.

CAN'T BE DIFFERENT THOUGH I TRY.

JUST REMEMBER THAT I NEED YOU.

THAT THE BEST OF ME IS GONE.

PLEASE DONT FAIL TO STAND BESIDE ME,

LOVE UNTIL MY LIFE IS DONE.

Every single day I look at my 67 year old momma and think , just what is she thinking ??? She jibbers with her words all the time , she is anxious beyond comfort when the "babies" are around because she constantly thinks someone is hurting them. Noise she cannot handle even though at one time she was the loudest of all!!! Dancing which is something my mom lived for is something that we now do far and in between, Elvis someone she loved more than life....she rarely says his name when she hears him anymore......she calls my daddy...daddy now , Harold is rare.....when we walk in the door she looks at me like I am her saving grace and she hugs me and cries sometimes, well alot of the time, but the word Kristy in the last month or so has also faded a little bit more....I could go on and on BUT what I do know is that our God the creator of Heaven and Earth every single day blesses us with the momma, the Hun, the Aunt Sudie, the Nonny, or just plain Sudie that she once was.....

There are those times that there is music playing that she will start dancing around the living room or kitchen, and my eyes immediately go to her feet and it amazes me that those are the same feet that taught my sisters and I how to dance and that danced with us so often. We knew on saturdays as we were cleaning house and her 50's records were on the record player that if we started dancing , she would totally forget about the house and 3 hours later we would all be exhausted , and she would say let's take a nap!!!! It still amazes me how as I am looking at those tiny size 5 feet that they are not missing a beat, her brain still knows exactly what to do, it doesn't matter if it is a waltz, a two step, a jitterbug whatever it is , her feet and her little 80 lb frame can still bust a move.....HE blesses us with that moment we have Sirius Elvis radio on and she does hear his voice, that she will say something like , oh I love that man, or the usual there will never be another Elvis (which I might add that we all think the same, lol). HE blesses us with the moments like yesterday my daddy which has always called her "Hun" was irritating her and we know that he will still do it not just because it is just the way they were, but we know that he just wishes and wants so badly to have some "normalcy" or "some the way it was" before Alzheimers moments with her. Some people would call it denial , I call it "LOVE".

No matter how sick she gets he still see her the same way they were on their wedding day.(Im sorry I know that I get off track). Anyway yesterday he was irritating her and she went after him calling him "HAROLD" not daddy and was slapping him on his arms , all the while daddy is laughing , and Kerry and I are cracking up just to fight back the tears because oh man how we wish it was still that way all the time, but when she was doing that her words were so clear and she was saying the same exact things that she would say to him for so many years. And trust me not all the words were nice, my mom was not known for her sweet tender language!!! lol There are just some things the mind never forgets!! :)) At the very moment she was basically cussing my daddy out , I looked at my neice Rayn, you see she is 6 and she has never known her Nonny without Alzheimers, and the look of delight on her face was just priceless, she thought Nonny was soooooo funny!!! So you see to me that is a "God wink", then there are the days that I walk in and she walks really fast over to me and lays her chest on mine and I hear her say "Kristy", without me having to ask her what my name is. I was always made fun of because apparently as a child I was always having to be told I love you all the time. My mom would make fun of me as a teenager, Oh Kristy we love you, Kristy did you hear me???? You get the picture....so yes I have to admit I am guilty, I will still ask her momma what's my name? Momma do you love me? I don't think we ever truly grow up when it comes to our parents, and yes I do ask her because I know one of these days she won't be able to answer me at all, so for now I will just get made fun of by my sisters and everyone else...that's okay! HE gives us bits and pieces everyday and for this I am truly grateful, thankful, and humbled.

I am from a big and close family, we don't always like each other but we always love each other. And I am talking about my extended family there are alot of us. I have my Aunt Mary and Uncle Bob, Aunt Margie and Uncle Richard, Uncle Freddy and Aunt Joyce, Aunt Sara and Uncle Bill that all still have each other....healthy. These were the brothers and sisters that my parents were with all the time, they raised all of us kids together and when things come up like this weekend New Years Eve and I know that they are all going to a New Year's Eve dance just like they have done for years, and like on Christmas Day when my daddy leaves at 4:00 to relieve the nurse we have staying with mom , you can see all the looks on everyones faces, you see my daddys sisters fighting back tears , you see cousins fighting back tears and you even see uncles clear their throats, look away....things are just different without her there. Then I know they are watching out the window as daddy and his three girls, Kim , Kristy and Kerry walk out to the truck with him and we also know that they know there are hardly any words spoken because if your mouth opens you will start to cry so you just all look at each other , hug each other , love you daddy, I will talk to you when we get home...and then you watch him drive away.....those are all the things that make one think, this just isn't fair!!!! My daddy still like to go out dancing , but he can't get a nurse, what is he supposed to be...the third leg???

I do know that it would hurt him to much to be there without her, it would hurt all of us , so me personally I just choose not to go. Im the crier in the family, you remember the one that has to be told she is loved all the time. I don't blame my aunts and uncles for living their life, they have to and my mom would be so mad if they didn't go on with their lives.

know alot of you are wondering why is she telling us all of this????? Well one, it is part of me, it is what I feel everyday, amidst all of the happiness that God bestows on this family , there is always this, it is always here, she is my Momma, the first human being who ever loved me. Maybe I do it because I want to keep her alive in everyone's mind, you see not to many people come around anymore, but the main reason is to bring awareness to this disease that is a thief in the night. I don't want any of you to ever have to go thru this disease and if we all just maybe once a year go to alz.org and donate a little bit, a dollar, ten dollars, one hundred dollars , to research maybe just maybe this disease will go away. I don't want to die like this , I don't want my husband, children and granchildren, neices and nephews to have to go thru this , and how I pray that this disease does not get me or one of my sisters. So if you can just once please donate to the research for the cure of Alzheimers.

Just one more thing.....there are some people that tell me thru emails, or private FB messages or other ways that I inspire them, that I am always so positive , it seems to be that alot of you out there think I have it all together. In all honesty I need to let you know that 1. I am a christian and I feel that it is my job to walk the walk and not just talk the talk, and if I am ugly or sour all the time nobody is going to want what I have...and what I have is salvation and we are told to bring as many people into the Kingdom of Heaven as we can. The Lord gives me everything I have from the polish on my toenails, the the home I live in ....everything and the least I can do is just be pure and thankful.

2. I AM NOT PERFECT , I am a sinner too! I have days alot of days that I am just getting by, I fail and fall everyday of my life !!! BUT I love people and I love to love so if you are one of those people out there that has told me that I lifted them up, or if you are having a bad day and something I say makes you feel better , then I am doing my job. My prayer is that everyone could just be healthy and just plain ole' HAPPY! When our time here on earth is over I really just want to be there with all of you. God bless you all in 2011, let's be kind, let's be helpful, let's love each other , and let's pay it forward. I love you all. Thank you for listening to me, I know Im a talker.....

MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM OUR FAMILY TO YOURS!

I have a feeling that it is going to be a very very happy and blessed Christmas around here. Thank you for always following along here, I love and care for each of you and appreciate you.

We are feeling so blessed , we have our babygirl home with us finally after waiting 5 Christmases, we have two grandbuttons on the way, our grandbutton , Avry will be here in the next couple of days whenever he decides to show up, and our grandbutton Julie will be here February 22nd!!!! We also have a neice Addison, and a great nephew Eli that make their debut in January!!! It is raining babies over here!!! God is so good and He is so faithful.

To all of you who are reading this and you are still waiting for your child, please don't give up, he or she will be home soon. I know you have heard this a thousand times, but their little self is just so incredibly worth the wait...there is no greater love! Be strong, be faithful, be trusting, and ask for patience and endurance, HE will take care of you. Merry Christmas and a Happy Happy New Year!!!! May God bless each and everyone of you.



P.S. PART 2 OF "THE TRUTH IS" will be here next week.....

The Truth is..........Part 1

I have been wanting to do this post for a really long time but I also knew that it had to be the right time to do it for me. I do not want to offend anyone but at the same time I think well this is my blog, and I have always been a what you see is what you get kind of gal. I dont have any secrets and nothing to hide and I have always been honest on my blog so here it goes.......A while ago my friend Chrisite, Quint and Kiera's mommy did a really brutally honest post about her trip to China and I can remember reading it and my chest hurting because my heart was just breaking for her. But it was a honest and raw post and I admired her for that. Although our experiences in China were totally different I really wanted to be honest about our trip. God has really put this on my heart so the truth is......



First I have to start out by telling you that I am a hormonal mess, I won't even go into what my body is not doing and what it is doing because who cares right????? But what I will tell you is that I have experienced alot of things since my Total hysterectomy and just like so many years ago during all of my infertility treatments everytime I would get what seemed like the miracle drug or treatment that was going to work ....it always seemed that where I opened one door there were 2 or 3 doors locked behind it!!!! BUT I get all that now 20 something years later, I wasn't supposed to ever get pregnant because God already knew exactly what children were going to be mine and for that I just can't put into words how completely blessed I am and how thankful I am for all of my kids, they are my every dream come true, every dream!!!



Now I can't even take anything for my hotflashes and sweats because of other reasons so needless to say when we went to China in the summer, I was twice as hot or 10 times as hot as a normal person! I was soaking wet 110% of the time, I was not able to get cool at all, it was the first time in my life that I really took very cold showers and guess what???? I loved them!

NOW IS WHERE THE HONESTY STARTS COMING INTO PLAY.....


I did not fall in love with China. Now before I go any further I want to remind you that I AM A CHRISTIAN AND DARN PROUD OF IT, and that this is my blog and I figure I can say just about anything I want to here.........

It was a huge dose of culture shock for me. I did not go to China to be a tourist . I went to China to bring my daughter home. I had never been in such a Godless country. And it was so obvious to us, and in Beijing I found myself looking out the window one day and I just started weeping because my heart went out to all of the people of China because of this. It really weighed heavy on me and it made me sad.

Before I go on I have to tell you that I am a 43 year old woman that still gets very homesick when I am away from my momma and daddy, my children, my sisters, my neices, nephews and so on and so on.......but on this trip I was really homesick for my parents. I was so afraid something was going to happen and I would not be able to get home in time. I am pretty sure most of you know this but for those of you who dont, my mom is 69 yrs old and has had Alzheimer's for the past about 8 years. She didn't even know I was gone. The night before we left Beijing for Nanchang where our angel was I felt as if I couldn't breathe....here I was in a foreign country getting ready to get my babygirl , I was HOT, and miserable and not to mention hungry because nothing really tasted good to me, and oh how I missed ketchup and Iced tea!!! And even though I have what I think is the best husband in the whole world, the one person I really needed was my Momma. i was very emotional about finally getting Franceska. I almost couldn't even pick up the phone to call my daddy because I knew he would immediately hear my quivery voice and then his voice would immediately get the same way and I just didn't have the heart to say , Daddy I love you and I do want to talk to you but I really need to talk to Momma right now and friends I haven't had a real conversation with my Mom in about two years and we used to talk on the phone about 6 times a day or we would be at each others house. So here I am chest heavy and hurting from trying not to cry and I pick up the phone to call my daddy and when I hear his voice the only thing I can remember is hearing this animal like noise come out of my throat and I told him I am sorry Daddy but oh how I wish I could talk to Momma right now ....I then heard my daddy say , Kris I know , I wish you could talk to her too, and as he said it I could hear the crack ....the very crack that just gets to me when it happens to come out of my daddys mouth, it just breaks my heart. As I type this I have that same feeling in my chest as I did then, it is just a "hurt" that is so deep, it is like a wound in there.

I decided to tell him that I needed to put my Big girl panties on and that I would be okay and he told me he loved me and I told him that the next time I talked to him we would have his youngest granddaughter in our arms. Ok so I lied about the "okay" thing but I wanted to be okay for him, I hate it when he worries, but you know Im a parent to and have been for sometime now and I know that the "worry" thing is all part of it. That is a huge place of failure on my part, I know that God does not want me to worry, but I talk to Him all the time about how I fall short there, I am pretty sure He understands my heart.

When we got to Nanchang, every male person from the age of about 11 to 99 smoked , and they smoked inside , outside, in the elevators , right next to your dinner table....you get the picture right?????? The a/c system was not really good and because of the damp air and all the smoke my throat all the way down to my belly button felt raw!!! But I really didn't care, all I cared about was getting our babygirl. And it was in Nanchang that we started forming relationships with some of the other families, and I might add there is a couple of them that we pray our friendships and bonds last a lifetime. I have to be honest though I wasn't like most people, they were all dreamy eyed because they were in the city or area in which their children were born. I didn't see it that way, it was dirty, polluted , horrible air quality, and the odors , oh the odors, some of them I wondered if I would ever get out of my nose. The way I saw it was that I couldn't wait to get her out of there and get her home. Still it was weighing heavy on my heart that I was not falling in love with China, until a couple of incredible friends and sisters in Christ back here at home and mothers of children from China told me that I did not have to fall in love with China and to stop putting so much pressure on myself that I started to ease up on myself and after they told me that and after I know they were praying for me, I could start the pressure start to slough off of me.


Next Post: The day our Franceska was placed in our arms........

At Last.........

I think this picture says it all........
Helping Mommy with the Christmas tree....
Meeting Frosty the Snowman for the first time ever!!!! ( my houseshoes are huge!!!!)
Here is our collection of either "Parents-to-be", "Baby's First Christmas", or "Waiting for Franceska" ornaments since 2006......
And finally..........It really is her First Christmas....Thank you God sooooooo much!!!

I get the message Kimberley!!!! lol

OK I am back!!! Kimberley my sweet you motivated me to get my butt in gear!!! I just wanted all of you to know that I am working on a very personal post and after Thanksgiving and after my sweets Kim (Isabella's to be Mommy) has been here for the holiday and is back home safe I will be posting it. I am going to be doing less FB and more blogging. We are on a really good schedule here and things are just falling into place in regards to alot of different things and I am gonna get back on track.

I miss all of you so much, I just hope I have a few followers left......:((( I really do miss all of you.

So everyone have an awesome and very blessed Thanksgiving!

A PSALM FOR THANKSGIVING

Make a joyful shout to the Lord, all you lands!!
Serve the Lord with gladness;
Come before his presence with singing.
Know that the Lord, He is God;
It is He who has made us, not we ourselves;
We are His people , and the sheep of his pasture.

Enter into His gates with THANKSGIVING,
And into his courts with praise.
Be thankful to Him, and bless his name.
For the Lord is good;
His mercy is everlasting,
And His truth endures to all generations.

Psalm 100

(I love this , I want to get better at giving thanks and praise to the Holy one everyday, I want to be more thankful for everything and everyone in my life, for our Lord is always good)

I LOVE ALL OF YOU SO MUCH!!!! I AM SO THANKFUL FOR ALL OF YOU.

Bath and Night Night time!!!!

Here are some pix from tonight at bath time that I just had to post!!! She is so funny!!!Our precious angel!!!
Our little Devil!
Look at my two front chiclets!!!!
Ahhhhhhh I think I'm so pretty.......


Me and my Sissy Astrud!!! Just look how Franceska is looking at her.....it makes my heart smile!

Some Family Pics to share.......

Here are some family pictures that I thought I would share with all of you! Even though Franceska is the "Current Family Favorite", LOL, there are alot of us and I am so proud of them all! This is my neice Jade (lt) with one of her best friends Katy....aren't they Beauuuuteeeeefullll!!!

The next 5 are of our little Grandbutton Liam, I know I am a little prejudice but I think these pictures are magazine worthy!!! This one happens to be my favorite!

This is a friend of his........I think this Meme is a little defensive , Im not ready to share him yet!!!!! lol

Like I said "Magazine worthy " I told you!! :))

Again.................................

Yes we think he is just the cat's meow, the creme of the crop, the whatever is good.......He is such a handsome little man!

This is our neice Lily, she is playing flag football, the only girl on the team and she ROCKS!!!! Made an interception last week and ran 45 yards for the touchdown!!!!!

This is my cousin Tracy and her son my little cousin Caiden. This is Caiden's first year of flag football and he cries almost every game and gets mad which all of us think is just hilarious!!! My cousin Tracy on the other hand........does not!!! By the way she is standing I know she is talking to him through her clenched teeth!!!! Cracks me up!!!

Look at that face!!!! lol

Oh that german/polish temper!!!

This is my godson (in the blue), Jacob!! He is all about football! Him and Caiden are on the same team and I think they are just too cute for words!!!

This is Jacob at home, isn;t this picture just priceless!!!! I love it!

So there you have it, and there are lots more where that came from!!!

MY FIRST BIRTHDAY PICTURES!

I know alot of you follow me on FB, and you have already seen these pictures, but I have decided that I just can't stop blogging!! This blog and all of you have been such a huge part of my life for so long that I just can't!!! So I am going to start my "catch up", and I am gonna start with Franceska's birthday. There was about 8o people there and even though it was sooooo hot and I was melting we had so much fun!! She is an angel and such a blessing and just so much fun!!!! We hope you enjoy our pictures and we wish all of you could have been there!!!
THIS IS MOMMY'S FAVORITE PICTURE!!!SCORE!!!!! MORE TOYS!!
OUR PRINCESS!!!
ME AND MY COUSINS HAVING FUN IN THE BOUNCE!
FEEDING MY BIG BROTHER CHRISTOPHER!
MY PRINCESS CAKE
ME AND AUNT KIM
ME AND MY SWEATING MOTHER!!!
THIS STUFF IS GOOD!!!
ALL OF MY BALLOONS WAITING TO GO OUTSIDE!
ME, DADDY AND MOMMY
MY DADDY, MY SISSY, AND TWO OF MY BROTHERS!
MY AUNT KERRY, UNCLE RICKY AND MY COUSINS GAVE ME THIS TUTU OUTFIT!!!