Welcome to our Life..it's a crazy busy one, but that's just us! We have 7 kids, 3 daughter-in-laws, 1 son-in-law and 5 Grandbuttons!!! WITH #6 & & 7 ON THEIR WAY!!!! We came home on July 15, 2010 with our Princess Franceska Danielle, we hope you enjoy our life because we sure do!! God has just BLESSED beyond what we could have ever imagined!!


Monday, December 20, 2010

The Truth is..........Part 1

I have been wanting to do this post for a really long time but I also knew that it had to be the right time to do it for me. I do not want to offend anyone but at the same time I think well this is my blog, and I have always been a what you see is what you get kind of gal. I dont have any secrets and nothing to hide and I have always been honest on my blog so here it goes.......A while ago my friend Chrisite, Quint and Kiera's mommy did a really brutally honest post about her trip to China and I can remember reading it and my chest hurting because my heart was just breaking for her. But it was a honest and raw post and I admired her for that. Although our experiences in China were totally different I really wanted to be honest about our trip. God has really put this on my heart so the truth is......

First I have to start out by telling you that I am a hormonal mess, I won't even go into what my body is not doing and what it is doing because who cares right????? But what I will tell you is that I have experienced alot of things since my Total hysterectomy and just like so many years ago during all of my infertility treatments everytime I would get what seemed like the miracle drug or treatment that was going to work ....it always seemed that where I opened one door there were 2 or 3 doors locked behind it!!!! BUT I get all that now 20 something years later, I wasn't supposed to ever get pregnant because God already knew exactly what children were going to be mine and for that I just can't put into words how completely blessed I am and how thankful I am for all of my kids, they are my every dream come true, every dream!!!

Now I can't even take anything for my hotflashes and sweats because of other reasons so needless to say when we went to China in the summer, I was twice as hot or 10 times as hot as a normal person! I was soaking wet 110% of the time, I was not able to get cool at all, it was the first time in my life that I really took very cold showers and guess what???? I loved them!


I did not fall in love with China. Now before I go any further I want to remind you that I AM A CHRISTIAN AND DARN PROUD OF IT, and that this is my blog and I figure I can say just about anything I want to here.........

It was a huge dose of culture shock for me. I did not go to China to be a tourist . I went to China to bring my daughter home. I had never been in such a Godless country. And it was so obvious to us, and in Beijing I found myself looking out the window one day and I just started weeping because my heart went out to all of the people of China because of this. It really weighed heavy on me and it made me sad.

Before I go on I have to tell you that I am a 43 year old woman that still gets very homesick when I am away from my momma and daddy, my children, my sisters, my neices, nephews and so on and so on.......but on this trip I was really homesick for my parents. I was so afraid something was going to happen and I would not be able to get home in time. I am pretty sure most of you know this but for those of you who dont, my mom is 69 yrs old and has had Alzheimer's for the past about 8 years. She didn't even know I was gone. The night before we left Beijing for Nanchang where our angel was I felt as if I couldn't breathe....here I was in a foreign country getting ready to get my babygirl , I was HOT, and miserable and not to mention hungry because nothing really tasted good to me, and oh how I missed ketchup and Iced tea!!! And even though I have what I think is the best husband in the whole world, the one person I really needed was my Momma. i was very emotional about finally getting Franceska. I almost couldn't even pick up the phone to call my daddy because I knew he would immediately hear my quivery voice and then his voice would immediately get the same way and I just didn't have the heart to say , Daddy I love you and I do want to talk to you but I really need to talk to Momma right now and friends I haven't had a real conversation with my Mom in about two years and we used to talk on the phone about 6 times a day or we would be at each others house. So here I am chest heavy and hurting from trying not to cry and I pick up the phone to call my daddy and when I hear his voice the only thing I can remember is hearing this animal like noise come out of my throat and I told him I am sorry Daddy but oh how I wish I could talk to Momma right now ....I then heard my daddy say , Kris I know , I wish you could talk to her too, and as he said it I could hear the crack ....the very crack that just gets to me when it happens to come out of my daddys mouth, it just breaks my heart. As I type this I have that same feeling in my chest as I did then, it is just a "hurt" that is so deep, it is like a wound in there.

I decided to tell him that I needed to put my Big girl panties on and that I would be okay and he told me he loved me and I told him that the next time I talked to him we would have his youngest granddaughter in our arms. Ok so I lied about the "okay" thing but I wanted to be okay for him, I hate it when he worries, but you know Im a parent to and have been for sometime now and I know that the "worry" thing is all part of it. That is a huge place of failure on my part, I know that God does not want me to worry, but I talk to Him all the time about how I fall short there, I am pretty sure He understands my heart.

When we got to Nanchang, every male person from the age of about 11 to 99 smoked , and they smoked inside , outside, in the elevators , right next to your dinner table....you get the picture right?????? The a/c system was not really good and because of the damp air and all the smoke my throat all the way down to my belly button felt raw!!! But I really didn't care, all I cared about was getting our babygirl. And it was in Nanchang that we started forming relationships with some of the other families, and I might add there is a couple of them that we pray our friendships and bonds last a lifetime. I have to be honest though I wasn't like most people, they were all dreamy eyed because they were in the city or area in which their children were born. I didn't see it that way, it was dirty, polluted , horrible air quality, and the odors , oh the odors, some of them I wondered if I would ever get out of my nose. The way I saw it was that I couldn't wait to get her out of there and get her home. Still it was weighing heavy on my heart that I was not falling in love with China, until a couple of incredible friends and sisters in Christ back here at home and mothers of children from China told me that I did not have to fall in love with China and to stop putting so much pressure on myself that I started to ease up on myself and after they told me that and after I know they were praying for me, I could start the pressure start to slough off of me.

Next Post: The day our Franceska was placed in our arms........


Kim said...

I am crying because you know that you told me and it is like I there with you .
Out of all people you know that I won't judge you .. we are tooo dang alike.
I Love you NO MATTER what and I know that you loved China for the reason of one special little girl.
And I get it.. everyone has their opinion and everyone has the right to their opinion..
I don't have one because God hasn't given me that chance yet..
One day though..
LOVE you to the moon and back..

Fliss and Mike Adventures said...

I too love ya... and agree with Kim that we all have our opinions and everyone has the right to have their opinions - whether they push them on others... that isn't right (not saying you are so don't read that wrong)... I can understand (well, from what I read and what you told me) what you mean and where you were going with it... I hated the smoking part of it but not looking at the habits like that of people... I truly loved China, I do not agree with their Human Rights or anything like that but when I was out and about looking etc I would use the mentality of the architecture, culture, scenery etc... then with your mum and dad - I understand... sending you hugs....

Heather said...

THANK YOU for keeping it real girlfriend! I love this post...at some point I will share with you some of our similar thoughts...I did not travel though. I stayed home with Em while Rob travelled, so our experience is different. However,your post blesses my heart in many ways. This was my first visit back to bloggityville after a hiatus of sorts...so thankful your precious' sweet face was my first sight!! :) Merry Christmas, friend...God is so very, very good! Your family is gorgoeus!


The Byrd's Nest said...

I love you my sweet friend. You should always be able to say what you are thinking and what you are feeling. It's been five years or so since we were there but I wasn't in love with it, actually Lottie and I had bronchitis and stayed in our room most of the trip. I felt bad because James couldn't go with us so our entire family wasn't together. The air was terrible because each time I left the hotel, I had asthma and felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest....could have been the bronchitis too:) Two miracles came out of my trip to China 1) Lottie (duh!) 2) God called me to be a missionary, he showed me the darkness....complete darkness people were living in. China changed me in this way....it changed my way of thinking. It ruined me for the ordinary. Regular church was never the same for me after China because my heart was being prepared to become a missionary heart.

I love you Kristy...I understand about your Momma now that I live so far away from all of my family and only get to see my big kids once a year and haven't seem my mom, dad or grandmother in almost 2 years. My family is not suffering from this illness that your mother has been stricken with but I have seen other families suffer. Know that since I met you....I have never ceased in praying for you. Big Texas hugs to you:)

Lesa said...

As you know but may have forgotten Evan was from the same area. We were in the same hotel and same area you were while on our trip.
This was our second adoption and it wasn't ANYTHING like our first. It wasn't as dreamy as when we got Wendy at all!!!
The air quality was horrible! So horrible in fact that I got terribly sick from it. Talk coughing up blood. I didn't love Nanchang at all!!!! It was the third day we had Evan that he got sick and he and I stayed in from sight seeing. I finally got gutsy and took him out for a stroll to the grocery store down the way from the hotel. The people were so curious about why such a handsome little guy was with me. A BOY! I had them swarm me. I finally made light of it when I saw a chicken down from the store and showed Evan the chicken and started making the clucking sound more realistic like. Evan started coming around and finally laughing. The man that owned the shop and chicken got a kick out of me making the cluck cluck sound and so did the others. It broke the ice between me and them.
No, I didn't "love" Nanchang at all until then. lol
The thing you mentioned about the air and that every man there was smoking! I got this thought that my little guy would have been one of them one day and I'm so glad that I had him and would be able to get him to a cleaner area. He is a heart baby and sure didn't need all of that!

Now for your needing your mother... I totally understand! I felt that way but mainly this time with my daddy. I guess god was telling me something I just couldn't grasp... I ended up skyping my parents before we left for home and I'm so very glad I did. It would be the last time I saw his face with him talking to me and that he would ever see his grandson. When we arrived in LA Cal. I called them and we talked for a long while; again mainly my dad and I. When we arrived to our house we were so exhausted...you know the jet lag feeling, I didn't even call to tell them we were back to our house. Two a.m. that morning we had just gotten to sleep and the phone rang......my sweet daddy had died of a heart attack.
I know how you feel my friend. I'm so sorry that you had a rough trip as well, but I totally know what it was like cause we were in the same exact place you were.

I love you my friend!

Christie said...

Just tears...and I don't know why - maybe because I understand and maybe because I'm sad.

Truthfully, one night I sat on my hotel bed - AB and baby asleep - dark in the room. I had my IPOD on, listening to worship - sobbing in my bed. Feeling broken for the people of China. I'm sure they'd pass on the sympathy, but I felt as you did...a people without hope. Broke me. I wept and worshiped and thanked God Almighty I was His own. Then felt broken all over again for them. Then grateful for Keira. What were the odds of her escaping that? Then praise for such a blessing - despite the "rain" we were under in China emotionally. Praise You in the storm, Lord!

My mother is quite sick and her mental capacity has been diminishing for years, slowly, due to MS. It killed me to see her this past month. I felt completely helpless and cried to AB how much I missed my Mom - the one I knew and loved for so long but that is slowly disappearing. I get you...I truly do.

XO (still crying - eek)

Carey said...

Hello, My name is Carey. I stumbled across your blog randomly. I hope you do not mind, but I am following your blog because I found this post so encouraging. I want to know what happened next. I think it is awesome that you adopted a child, and frome China! I am only 17, but I've always wanted to adopt a child some day (when I'm married of course ;).

If you do not want me to follow your blog, I wont. Just let me know. :)

Faith, Hope, and Love said...

I love you Kristy! :)

I wasn't in love with China either...I was in love with what happened in China...the amazing miracle of God bringing my daughter to my arms on the other side of the world.

I'm sorry you can't talk to your momma... :( .... But I'm happy you have your daddy, who seems to love you so much!

Love and blessings to you and your family this Christmas!

Our Journey to Jadyn Nicole said...

Kris - I am so glad you are sharing your story! I am worried sick about our trip and would love to sit down and talk to you before we travel. You are an amazing mom, friend, aunt and daughter. Your mom's heart will never forget! XOXO Vicki

Alyson and Ford said...

Catching up on reading your posts; we tried to put some of the honest details on our blog back in Sept 2008, but held back quite a bit. We aren't into making any controversial statements publicly either. Our China trip accomplished what it was supposed to, gaining our daughter. Lots to talk about, can we get a chat group of all who left you comments - it would probably be very therapeutic to help heal some of the pain of our journeys!
Thanks for the touching post. (not to mention that I was 50 in China and right when we got back, I went through menopause and about died...... it was horrible and now, two years later, I am still struggling with a change in my health... 50's are no fun!!).

Alyzabeth's Mommy