Welcome to our Life..it's a crazy busy one, but that's just us! We have 7 kids, 3 daughter-in-laws, 1 son-in-law and 5 Grandbuttons!!! WITH #6 & & 7 ON THEIR WAY!!!! We came home on July 15, 2010 with our Princess Franceska Danielle, we hope you enjoy our life because we sure do!! God has just BLESSED beyond what we could have ever imagined!!


Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Some things I want you to know Franceska...

Dear Franceska,

Oh babygirl how I wish I could see and touch your face. We are getting closer now and I am allowing myself to dream about what your little face will look like, how you will smell and feel. If you will look at me and cry or smile, or if you will reach out to me and touch my face with your sweet little hands. Or if you will just not want me at all, if you will want your Daddy first???

I am letting myself close my eyes and dream about the day that I first see your face. It does not matter where I am, if I am at work, or driving my car or even sitting at church I let myself dream. Your cousin Rayn left one of your Teddy Bears on the living room floor yesterday and as I sat in my office chair I looked in there and saw it and thought to myself , is that what it's going to be like when our girl is home????

I want you to know that you are so loved already without even knowing anything about you , not even knowing if you are born yet. Your Daddy who has always been the silent one , said the other day that he daydreams about you and thinks about you all the time. We pray for you, the nannies, all the babies, the waiting families, and all of the birth mothers everyday. For your birth mothers worst pain is going to turn in to my most joyous of all feelings. And yes that breaks my heart, but I pray that somehow she will know how much you are going to be loved by your BIG family. All of your brothers, sisters, sister in laws, aunts, uncles, and cousins are waiting patiently to get their arms around you.

The last thing I want to talk to you about is your Nonny , my Momma. First you will have the best Poppy in all the world and all of your life I will tell you the stories of how much a Hero he is to me . Not only for being my Daddy, but for the way he takes care of your Nonny.

You see Nonny has Alzheimers, she is only 66 years old and we are losing her more and more everyday. I need you to know that in her day to day life there are things she just does not know how to do anymore, we have to watch her every single second. But you need to know that everytime I say your name, she remembers immediately who you are and where you are coming from. She even expresses frustration because you are not home yet. It astounds me that she still knows about you, and it truly makes my heart smile. I know that God is keeping you in her heart, and I am so very thankful for that. I feel panic everyday that by the time you come home, she just won't know anything anymore, but I think I have learned to give it all to HIM. I can't do anything about it anyway so I will just continue to pray about it.

There are some things I want you to know about your Nonny. She was a stay at home Mom, to me, Aunt Kerry and Aunt Kim. Your Nonny never really drank alcohol but was always the life of the party. Now you have to know that she could cuss like a sailor and tell a really nasty joke like a beer drinking, tooth sucking, gut sticking out, crack showing hillbilly, but she always had a heart of gold. She was always quite a talker, and I would imagine thats where I got my gift of gab from. She was always laughing, and joking around all the time. There was a time back in the 80's that she cut darn near every boys hair in La Vernia High School. She would take a suburban full of guys after they graduated to City Public Service in San Antonio (electric co.), every tuesday since that was application day, just so they could get on there and have benefits and retirement and a good job. That is just the person she was , always looking out for others.

All thru school with all of the tryouts and this and that she always headed these things and always did all the work. Your Poppy was a railroad man so he was out of town monday thru thursday so most of this stuff was done while still being mom to us three girls, keeping the yard done, the house in order and also taking care of grandparents, and various other older relatives.

All three of us were in all sports, I was a Cheerleader, in Dance Team, FHA, 4-H, all three of us raised show hogs and sheep and she never falted on any of it. She was at every single thing we did. I will never forget the look on her face the night I was crowned Homecoming Queen, I looked up to the crowd and I will never forget the look on her face. I was a typical teenager with the typical teenager attitude at times and I can remember thinking that she was so old fashioned , etc, etc. etc. and now that Astrud is 16 , and probably really thinks I'm a dork that does not know anything , I feel guilty for having those same thoughts about my momma.

Franceska I need you to know that at an earlier time in this life , your Nonny would have loved you so much. She would have been so incredibly proud of you. She would have given you things even when she knew that I would say no, she would have constantly taken you shopping, you see your Nonny has always been about clothes, clothes and more clothes. She would have cheirshed every single second she had with you . I know all of this because it is exactly what she did with your big sister Astrud and big brother Bubba. I can't tell you how many little trains, cars, dolls, the hard plastic ones, (lol) , just things like that, that they both have had thru the years because Nonny would be in a Dollar General, Family Dollar, or a Wal Mart somewhere and would just have to buy them something. It was always something that they just would put on the dresser or something, but it was from Nonny!!!!

I want so badly to know that when I am loving on her that she really "feels" it, I want so badly to see her with you while she still knows who you are, I want to see one of her real smiles as she looks at you ,but I don't know if that will happen. I just want you to know how much she would have loved you. She has always been the Perfect Nonny. She learned from the best...you see her Mom was my Granny and my Daddy's mom was my Grandma , and let me tell you it just didn't get any better than that!!!! God bless you little girl. My prayer is that God will put a hedge of protection around you, and hold you in his arms until we can get there to bring you home. Please , please CCAA speed things up so we can all get to our babies. I don't have any more fight left in me, I just really want my girl to come home.
I love you , Mommy

I apologize for having such a heavy post, but it is just what I am feeling today. I know all of you will understand.


Mama Duck said...

What a beautiful post--I think it is truly miraculous that Nonny remembers Franceska. I pray that she will continue to keep her in her heart until the day when they can meet. Most of all, I pray that day is SOON! You have certainly waited long enough.

Denise said...

Kristy, your blog is about YOU and keeping it real and this post is very real and very beautiful. Nothing to apologize for. I'm praying for you as you struggle with the loss of your mother, even while she's still alive.

Mya said...

Heavy post, but beautiful! Thanks for sharing those raw emotions. Your mother sounds like she was a hoot and a very strong woman. Keeping you and your family in my prayers!

Lea said...

You dear sweet soul Kristy. My heart bleeds for you my friend.

Extra love to you my friend.


Heather said...

Oh, opens the floodgates of memories! Beautiful letter, your daughter is blessed baby and I cannot wait ot rejoice as you see her, meet her and love her.

God is taking good care of her Kristy...she is prayed for and so loved. As is your mama, what a dichotomy of feelings, huh? I pray for you peace, in all areas of your life.

Now, come on Franceska, time to come home, baby:)


Fliss and Mike Adventures said...

Pass the tissues... how gorgeous... I can truly understand as to why you wrote this and things that led you to write this... I done the same thing in 2007... was it then???? Well, here is the link...


See what I mean... so, I can truly understand your feelings.... hugs to you... our turns are coming... that is one thing for sure...

Shannon Kosub said...

Okay I to am now on board with praying Franceska will soon be home with you and Frank. What a huge homecoming that child is going to have, and I will be there to witness the event unfold if God is willing. And about your mama...Your exactly right about her being such a fun, vibrant, beautiful person! When I saw her at the stockshow I was saddned to see the confused look in her eyes but smiled at seeing how well she was put together. Shows that her girls took and look after her just as she would do herself. LOVE IT!

Amy Lynn said...

I have no words....I sit here wanting to put into words what you wrote makes me feel but I am left with nothing.... but I hope that if nonny never knows who any of the rest of us are, that she knows Franceska the moment she sees her because of the wait and what I know Franceska already means to you and the rest of us, of course. i can't imagine what you must feel every day, with waiting for a child who you have so much love for and the time it has taken her to get to you. it takes alot to be so strong and i am envious of your strength. love you

Linda said...

You are so strong and patient....your Franceska will love that about you ( and many other things, too ).
Praying for you......:)Linda

Tyrone & Bailey said...

oh KRISTY! i didn't get much past the first paragraph before i was just crying. i sniffled my way through the entire thing, tyrone and the boys are looking at me like i'm insane, with tears running down my cheeks.

you have so much love, franceska is going to be such a blessed little girl! i know this has been a hard ALMOST THREE YEARS!...but i can't wait for the culmination of it all when you have her beautiful little self in your arms.

love you

Margaret M said...

I love this post and I am sure that Franceska will too. she will know her Nonny through you just as my wee ones know my Dad, their Pops, through me. Thinking of you and praying for you!

sara said...

This is beautiful for Franceska - she will love to hear about your mother!! Thanks for sharing it with US! Hugs, Sara

Kay Bratt said...

Lurking here but have to say, that if you haven't already, you need to read the book, "Still Alice". It is about a Harvard professor that is diagnosed with early Alzheimers. It will make you laugh, cry and understand a whole lot more. I read it in ONE NIGHT this week, I couldn't put it down. I hope you order it.

Kay Bratt said...

*I bought my "Still Alice" at Target but I'll mail you mine if need be. kaybratt70@hotmail.com